“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Have any of you wished that following this verse God would have written out complete instructions on raising children? Still, He didn’t. The next verse deals with the rich ruling over the poor. Hmm. So, how do we train a child in the way they should go? In order to answer that question we must look to the rest of scripture for the answers. What does the scripture say? For the most part, over and over, it tells us to teach our children about God, teach them the Word of God, train them to know Him. It also shows us an example of how to know how to train them.
Let’s look at Judges 13:8 for a minute. “Then Manoah entreated the Lord and said, ‘O Lord, please let the man of God whom Thou hast sent come to us again that he may teach us what to do for the boy who is to be born.’” Here we see a wonderful example of parents, who don’t have all the answers on how to raise the child which God is giving them, turning to God and asking Him how to raise the child. Manoah’s wife had just been visited by an angel of the Lord. The angel had told her that she would have a son, Samson, and that he would deliver Israel from the oppression of the Phillistines. I love to read this because the very next thing we see is that Manoah asks God to tell him ‘how’ to raise the boy. Manoah calls out to the Lord!
I am sure that all of us, in our hearts, have called out to God. Perhaps we called to Him when we found out that we were expecting, when we were holding our newborn in our arms, when we hit a difficult situation with an exasperating toddler or a troubled teen. I am sure that our hearts have cried out to the Lord. But have we ever ‘sought’ Him?
My favorite part of this whole incident in the Bible is not the birth and subsequent heroic events of Samson’s life. What I love is that the parents sought God for how to raise Samson, and God answered them! That passage gives me infinite hope for those pressing questions that come my way. It is the arrow that points us to the answer for ‘how’ we are to train our children.
When my daughter was very little she was difficult for me to understand. I was very frustrated. I was at the end of my ideas on how to reach this strong-willed little girl. It was during this time that I went to a women’s conference at my church. At that conference I attended the best teaching on parenting that I have ever had the privilege to sit through. It was taught by the wife of my pastor, and she shared about her own struggles with her strong-willed son. In that session, she shared how she had turned to the Lord and asked Him to show her what to do with her son. I went home and tried it.
I began crying out to the Lord in my quiet time in the morning, specifically, about my daughter; and He met me there. I will never forget the morning when my daughter came in, right as I was finishing my prayer time… and began coloring on the wall. She knew this was wrong. She was standing there with a ‘look at how naughty I can be’ look on her face, holding the crayon, defiant before I ever said a word. I felt the Lord stir my heart and tell me to just go over and tell her I love her. (Not my natural response!) I didn’t say a word, I just got up off my knees and wrapped my arms around my daughter, telling her I loved her. I watched a change come over my little daughter, whose back would stiffen so quickly when she was disciplined, and she started to cry and say she was sorry. I will never forget that moment. In that instant I learned that God would show me how to handle my child.
This is not a new idea. I am sure most of us know we should do this, and we have probably told others to pray about their children. Yet how is it that this is not what we think of first? We run to friends, books, call in radio shows, pastors, counselors, mothers, the guy on the street… and then finally turn to God. Or, we ask God in a casual way, and then run to the neighbor’s house to ask them for advice. Do we stay on our knees and seek to hear from God? Do we wait upon God, believing that He will answer us?
I love one of the words used in Judges 13:8. I love the word entreated. Manoah didn’t just say, “Oh, by the way God, do you have any hints for raising Samson?” He ‘entreated’ the Lord. Entreated implies asking with intensity, to ‘seek’, or to intercede. Do we intercede on behalf of our children?
Perhaps we believe that we already have the answer to ‘how’ to train up a child in the way they should go. Alright then, ‘how’ are you training your child? What are your goals?
When we look at Proverbs 22:6, I am sure that all of us parents share a desire that our children will always walk with God. In light of that, what are we training our children to be? What are your goals for your children? Is it success? Is it a college education? What do your children see as the most important goal you have for them? Is your primary goal that they know the Lord? Do your children know this, see this, feel this coming from you?
As Christians our primary goal should be that our children walk with God. That does not mean that we shouldn’t encourage them to attend a college, but it does mean that college is not the goal. God’s will for each individual child is the goal. So how do we train our children with that goal in mind? God has given some very basic instructions for training children, but the finer details we should be seeking from Him.
God has a plan and a purpose for each of our children. He has designed them all uniquely. Why not ask Him how to raise them? Shouldn’t we be like Manoah, and go to the source?
We have two tools for training our children in the way they should go.
1.) We have the living Word of God which we would should be instructing our children in. We should be teaching them about God each morning, noon, and night. Have we told our children the wonderful things that God has done in our lives? Do we put Him first in front of them?
2.) We have the power of prayer, and we should be using it for each of our children. Are we asking God what He would have us do for each of our children? Have we asked Him to lead us, to lead them, to stir their hearts, and to show us what we need to know in order raise them to walk with Him? Have we asked Him what source our children should learn from? Have we asked Him to guide us as we make the big decisions in their lives? How about the small ones? Do we think we have all the right answers? Are we set in our ways without taking the time to ask God what He wants in their lives? He should be your ultimate source on parenting.
The first homeschool support group I was in was led by a gal who encouraged us to pray before we looked for homeschool curriculum, before we went to the conventions and fairs, before we opened the textbooks and began each subject. How’s your prayer life?
I would like to encourage you to stop and ask God how you should raise your child, each and every day. There is nothing so small concerning our children that God is not interested in. There is nothing too big for him to handle. While we, like Manoah, do not have all the answers, God does! We should all, like Manoah, turn to God and ask Him how to raise our children.
How is your prayer life?
Homework:
1.) As you think of each child, what area of their life do you need an answer from God about?
2.) Ask God! If you have to lock yourself in your closet and cry out to Him, do so! He knows right where you are, and He knows all the answers.
3.) Find one special way to tell each of your children that you love them.
4.) Have you told your child, today, that Jesus loves them? If not, do so. If you have, do it again!
“Then Manoah entreated the Lord… ” Judges 13:8a Get going… move on your knees!
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